Introducing Frugal Weddings!

Apr 122013
 

The following is a post written by my younger sister. Please note: I did not have to pay her to write nice things. :)

 The Frugal Weddings Series

Hello Frugal Portland family!  My name is Caitlin.  Sometimes I comment on posts here as “Little Sister” because that’s what I am!  I have known and loved Kathleen a lot longer than you, and for that you should be jealous.  She is the best sister in the entire world.

f-f-f-family!

f-f-f-family!

Being such a good sister, she is letting me get a little air time on her fantastically authored blog.  You see, I am planning a wedding.

I am a lot like my sister.  When I was an awkward middle schooler and she was already in college, I used to refer to her as, “society’s accepted version of myself.”  Looks-wise, we are almost identical aside from the fact that Kathleen is a little shorter, a lot tanner, and a brunette.  Personality-wise, Kathleen is your typical oldest child.  She is much more organized and practical than I will ever be. Fortunately for me, her adventures with personal finance have helped me understand the reality of money and all that goes along with it, as I am not about to ignore the mistakes, successes, and damn good advice of my elders.

Back in my younger days I took out loans to finance a master’s degree in a field I am (at best) ambivalent towards.  After paying off almost $7000 of student loan dept on a teacher’s salary, getting in a and out of credit card debt,  and doing my own taxes only to find out I OWE this year, one could say I have financially come of age.  So here I am, 24, fiscally aware, and planning a wedding.

In 2012, the average amount of cash Americans dropped on a wedding was $28,427. That’s slightly higher than the average in Portland, a mere $26,375. I don’t plan on getting high and mighty or even sad and whining from my pity potty, but Frugal Weddings is all about how Tim and I, together with our parents, refuse to spend anything near that number. I love, love, love weddings and I am determined to plan one that we will remember forever, for around $12,000.

Despite the fact that it is less than half of the average, $12,000 is so much money!  I feel totally blessed to have so much to work with when it so obviously isn’t coming from my own savings.  My promise to Frugal Weddings readers is this: Not once will I make you feel like 12k is not enough money for a wedding.  Not once will I ignore the fact that 12k is a sacrifice for my ever-generous, ever-loving parents.  Not once will I judge other people’s wedding budgets.  Weddings are personal, and, when done right, they unite two families in love and joyful celebration.  Now the joy and love is free, but the celebration… that isn’t.

What about you?  What did you spend on your wedding? How do you feel about the national average?

Frugal Weddings Lesson One: The Ring

If he offers to pay for it and you wont be paying it off while married, let him buy you the big diamond.  Do not include in the wedding budget.  Wait, I just had a thought! Is the engagement ring typically included in the average costs of weddings? That doesn’t seem right, but it would explain the high averages…

The ring

Look forward to upcoming posts on how we cut costs and personalize our event so that December 31st, 2013 ends up being a magical start to a new year and our newly married life.

 

 April 12, 2013  frugal fun, weddings 22 Responses »

Frugal Portland’s April Net Worth

Apr 112013
 

Hello, April. Let’s talk about net worth, shall we?

I’m buying a condo, so these charts will dramatically change in the coming months. Wait, if I don’t close until May 23, then I won’t have anything to report until June. But still, this is the calm before the storm.

Frugal Portland's April Liabilities

I have just under $1500 left to pay on my car loan. And the credit union is doing the same thing that my student loan provider did: every time I made a higher-than-necessary payment, they pushed my next due date back. So, now, I don’t owe anything until August.

You’ll see in this next chart that I do have enough savings to pay off my car, but just like in business, cash is king when it comes to buying a condo.

I’ll be glad I didn’t use all my cash to pay off my car when I have to buy a washing machine.

Frugal Portland's April Net WorthIt will be interesting to see if my net worth goes down before it goes up. My guess is that it will.

I’m feeling very zen about the whole thing, though.

In fact, thinking about this condo purchase in terms of net worth is what calms me down. No longer am I putting rent money toward something that builds someone else’s net worth.

As an aside, I never bought in to the idea that renting is “throwing your money away” — where does that idea come from? I suppose I could live in a tent or something and not have to pay anyone anything, but that’s not realistic. You have to live somewhere. And last I checked, unless you live with your parents (if so, grow up, they do not want you in their house long term!) you cannot possibly live for free.

That’s like saying eating in a restaurant is throwing money away. You still get to eat food that the restaurant gives you, and you have to eat. That’s not throwing money away. It’s paying more than you should, to be sure, but that’s definitely not a throwaway.

What is throwing money away? So glad you asked! Throwing money away is buying something and losing it. Or buying produce and taking it from the grocery bag to the refrigerator to the garbage can. Or putting money in a pocket that has a hole in it.

My net worth is up a whopping 10% since March, and 55% since January. I’ll take that!

Frugal Portland's April Net Worth

Like I said, this will get worse before it gets better. But it’s always fun to see the growth!

I’m 100% sure that I won’t be showing a 240% net worth increase this year like I did last year. Hey look at that, two percentage signs in one sentence! Some English teacher (or Econ!) is getting upset right now, and for that, I apologize.

 April 11, 2013  debt, goals, money talks 18 Responses »

I’m Buying a Condo in Portland!

Apr 102013
 

Several months ago, I wrote about the condo that was too good to be true. Then, I wrote in January about how I wasn’t going to look for real estate anymore, because buying a condo in Portland was just too expensive to consider all by myself.

One of the things that came from me writing that blog post is that Andi, one of my friends from the internet, who recently got her real estate licence, emailed me.

“I really hated that story about your experience, and I don’t want that to make you change your mind about Portland real estate altogether,” she said.

“Let me introduce you to my friend in the mortgage business.”

I met with him, and he was cool. I even have a tiny, innocent, I know he’s married, so don’t give me a hard time, crush on him.

Then, I decided not to buy.

Nothing was available in my price range and location and “not needing a scary dog or a large man around all the time” neighborhood.

It wasn’t going to happen. Not while I’m single. Not at this price range.

Last week, I was out-of-town attending to the only business that really matters, family business. But of course, I was never very far away from my computer, and Andi sent me an email.

“Hey, so that condo you loved? It’s now FHA approved. I know you said you didn’t want to buy, but I thought I should check with you anyway.”

It was an easy choice. This condo was far and away the prettiest, fanciest, most adorable little thing I had seen. The location, while not 100% amazing, is not “scary dog” bad either.

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So now, after wondering, “whatever will I do with all this money that isn’t going toward debt repayment each month?” I have an answer: it’ll go right back to debt repayment.

Yesterday, Andi came by my work to get me to sign a few more things (holy cow buying a condo kills a lot of trees!) and to get “earnest money” from me.

The Concept of Earnest Money

Earnest Money is a little funny to me. I mean, for one thing, it implies that every other dollar I’ve been spending has been frivolous. It also implies that maybe, just maybe, I was pretending. Maybe I like signing papers. Maybe I just want to see what the seller will negotiate down to. Maybe I like wasting everyone’s time.

But now, the title company has a check that says, no, actually, I do want to move in there. In fact, why not have half of my savings account? There we go. Now I’m earnest.

And now, we inspect.

“Congratulations!” people say. And really, I’m so excited. But I also want to throw up a little. And cry a little.

I like it, though, the idea that I don’t actually need to wait around for “some man” to help me afford to live somewhere. That waiting struck me as oddly anti-feminist. You know what, universe? I can take care of myself! And I get to move into something that is uniquely mine.*

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Sure, my sister will live with me for six months. But she can only suggest design things. She doesn’t get to decide. I don’t have to compromise on anything.

Also, hardly anything has to be done to this place.

It’s so, so lovely.

My only complaints so far are that there is no washer and dryer (which seems silly to me —- the seller went the extra mile with a gas range and stainless steel appliances, why leave out the washing machine?) and that it looks a little like a timeshare.

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Like a ski lodge timeshare.

As far as complaints go, though, they’re minimal. Nitpicky, even.

Anyway, as long as the inspector says “looks pretty good to me,” we will close on May 23.

And I will live there for the next decade, at least.

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Which is about as close to forever as I can think these days.

The Moral of this Story

I know, without a smidgen of doubt, that I would not be buying this condo were it not for this blog. Andi is wonderful, and I never would have met her. My old realtor never informed me about the change in the financial situation of this place, so it wouldn’t have come up. Even if I’d seen it on Trulia, there’s no way I would have known that it had turned magically into something I can buy.

I wouldn’t have gotten to know Andi, either, as nice as she is. We just don’t run in the same circles (and by that I mean, she doesn’t come over to my home while I’m in my pajamas on my computer!).

The internet is a strange and wonderful place. Filled with (b)logger friends. I cannot recommend starting a blog enough, friends!

Who wants to come visit? I will have a guest room!

*Uniquely mine comes with a HUGE caveat: my parents are filled with more goodness than I could ever hope to consider and are gifting me the down payment. There’s just no way on earth I could do this without them, and I’d be doing a HUGE disservice to them if I neglected to mention just how lucky I am to be able to buy now instead of in five years (when real estate prices will have skyrocketed and I’ll be so glad I bought!). So, again, Mom? Dad? You are two of the absolute best people on the planet. I love you!
 April 10, 2013  real estate 79 Responses »

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating, Part Two

Apr 082013
 

When I wrote earlier about whether I should try online dating, you guys had a lot of great advice. It was pointed out that perhaps I wasn’t ready to date, and that my list was just a big list of excuses.

I can’t say that those commenters were wrong. I wasn’t ready. But then I got ready.

And I’m here to update my list based on my experiences in the wild world of dating people on the internet.

Pros of Online Dating

  • I get to meet new people.
  • Most people who are into online dating are fairly normal. Some are even cute.
  • It just changes how you meet someone, the rest of the rules are pretty normal.
  • I can meet people in my pajamas, and strike up fun conversations even when I don’t look presentable enough to go outside.
  • There’s always that chance that a spark will ignite, even when meeting people online.
  • I get to try new happy hours, or if I get to pick, I get to go to my favorite Portland places.
  • There are good dates,  there are mediocre dates, and there are dates that make for amazing stories (that I’m too kind and gentle to post here!).
  • In 2013, there is no stigma associated with online dating. So there doesn’t have to be any kind of fake story about how we “bumped into each other at a happy hour” (not that I’ve ever fibbed like that, ahem!).

 

pros and cons of online dating

he’s editing my profile

Cons of Online Dating

  • It’s a lot of work. I mean, I work in marketing, and my hobby is blogging, so I have to be charming and witty and on my game most of the day. The internet dating thing just adds more to that. There are back and forth emails, then there’s the “let’s go have a drink” conversations, and sometimes, I just want to hang out with my friends or by myself. Even extroverts hit their limit.
  • There are two kinds of people who are looking for dates online: those that can’t get dates otherwise because of some limitation, and those that are too lazy to go meet people in other ways. I’d like to think I’m in the latter group, but that might just be wishful thinking. Unfortunately, I have found that there are many people in the former group, who can hide some limitation for a while on the internet, only to have it blatantly obvious within one minute of meeting.
  • I am, frankly, not very good at dating. I think it’s way too obvious that I don’t like the game, so I tend to get excited too soon, and then get far too disappointed that he never called/texted/sent a postcard. Ever since I realized this trait, though, I’ve lightened up, and decided to take things slowly. Now I’m no longer thinking, as I get ready to go out, will this be my last first date? and turning that “crazy” off has done wonders for me.
  • Some people give off a very creepy vibe. I take my privacy (and safety!) very seriously, so when I get the feeling someone is kind of creepy, it makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing being online.
  • It’s not always fun. Of course it isn’t. There is a real temptation to try to cover all my bases and join up with all the sites, but the idea of that is repulsive. Andrea already did the legwork to let me know never, ever, to do Plenty of Fish, so I have it narrowed down to two.

My Experience with Dating Sites

I don’t know what finally made me decide to try, but I think, honestly, I clicked an ad on an NPR article. It was for a different kind of dating site called “How About We” and instead of an intense profile, you just answer some very basic questions and then suggest a date. “How about we… check out xyz at the something or other”. Fun! They let you do a few things for free, but then if someone emails you, you have to pay to see it.

But it’s fun — you get to look at fun things to do in your city rather than see about someone’s income level and education and number of children. And also you have to pay to read messages. So the instant I got a message, I pulled out my credit card. Vanity, right?

And, even though I am in marketing and I know how to price things, the dating pricing structure totally works on me. It’s only marginally more expensive for three months than for one. So, of course I signed up for three months (even though in the back of my head I hoped that the message that was waiting for me was from the one and I wouldn’t need that long! — I told you, I’m better now).

Then I realized something. This site is really new. So, as cool as it is, there are only 100 guys in my area on it. While each and every one of them is awesome in his own way, I don’t think I’ll be going out with very many of them.

So, I thought, while I’m here on the internet and interested in online dating, I’d diversify. I signed up with OKCupid as well. That is a free site, with everything that goes along with that. My user name has the word frugal in it (are you surprised?) so sometimes I get really good lines, like, “you’re not very frugal with that smile” which… does that work? For anyone? But there are some nice guys on there as well.

My sister thinks I should give Match a try but I have this feeling that I do not need to be on three dating sites.

Something about overkill.

 

 April 8, 2013  dating, plan 39 Responses »

Credit Card Debt is for Losers

Mar 262013
 

The other day, while researching an article about whether to pay off student loans or credit card debt first, Carrie asked our Facebook group what we thought.

Most people gave really great responses, and she included those responses in the article.

I gave my knee jerk response, which was that credit card debt is for losers, and student loan debt is normal and for everyone.

There was a bit of back and forth, especially since it looked like I was name calling, so here’s my controversial stance.

Credit Card Debt is for Losers

For years, I had a huge pile of credit card debt, and I felt like a loser because of it. My credit limit was $25,000 and I was so close to maxing it out that I had stress dreams about lacking money.

It was bad, you guys. I had no job and a $600 minimum payment on my credit card. Plus rent. You can see how I was starting to lose my hair. Even writing about it now, years later, I can feel the tightness in my chest.

Frugal Portland Truth for Real

An actual sign in Portland

I finally broke my silence and told my mom what was going on. Instantly, (bless her heart) she signed up for a credit card in her name: A Discover card with 0% interest for the first 24 months. All I’d have to do is pay the balance transfer fee (which I believe was somewhere near $750, which is small potatoes since I’d been paying more than 20% interest on the credit card each and every month) and of course make payments. She was lending me her sparkling credit, knowing that I wouldn’t get a deal like this with my own. I could already see the light. My only regret was not telling my parents sooner how close to the edge I’d gotten.

The Stigma of Credit Card Debt

If you read enough personal finance blogs, they will let you know that it is not cool to have credit card debt. I’d read so many different versions of the same thing: there is only one kind of person who allows themselves to get into credit card debt, and you don’t want to be that kind.

I didn’t even think I had anything to give to the personal finance world until the end of credit card debt was in sight. In retrospect, I wish I’d started earlier simply to read my thoughts from that era. Because even though I was one of the “losers” in credit card debt, I had valuable insights to contribute. But I couldn’t shake the stigma. I felt like it followed me around. Like my credit card debt was sitting on my shoulders, weighing me down. I am a loser, I would think.

So, when my mom came swooping in to help, I knew that math didn’t matter. Zero percent schmero percent. Who cared? That credit card debt was going to be paid in full well before sunset on the 24th month.

Paying Off Debt Helps Build Self Esteem

After some futzing with my spreadsheets, I had a plan. I couldn’t be stopped. Okay, so I went to a concert or three when I really should have put that $$ toward this monstrosity, but I wanted to keep my sanity (and my friends).

I took on extra jobs, some of which were highly unusual. I stopped using the credit card as a way to pay my bills. I might have missed out on some opportunities for rewards, but I saw it like a bucket of water. If I’m going to the effort to take a cup of water out of the bucket each month, I’m surely not going to add anything back, even a tablespoon. So, debit cards kept me goal-oriented during this marathon.

I couldn’t think about my car loan or my student loan. When you’re in deep water, you just have to start swimming. I paid off the last of the credit card less than 18 months after my mom opened it for me. I was so excited to tell her to close the account! Since I paid it off before my 0% interest expired, I am sure that mathematically I missed out. But psychologically, I was a winner, not a loser anymore.

I don’t think you’re a loser.

Even if you are in credit card debt, I’m certain that you’re a good person. Trust me. You’re probably an even better person than you let yourself think!

Is it stupid to pay a giant bank any amount of interest on your consumption? You bet your britches it is. Financing shoes is not a good plan. But your story is probably different from mine.

Maybe you’ve never carried a balance on your credit card, and you’re thinking about using one of those 0% offers to finance an addition in your house. Who am I to say you shouldn’t do that?

Or, let’s say you’re a young whippersnapper, and your student loan interest rate is ridiculous. Higher, even, than the interest on your credit card. Then, yes, for sure, you do what feels right to you!

But if you start to feel bad. If you are floundering and desperate and can conjure up tears with any amount of thinking of your financial situation, please, join me, and get rid of the one thing that is causing you the most pain.

Even if the math doesn’t make sense.

 March 26, 2013  background, debt 66 Responses »
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