It’s a tight feeling in the chest.
A fist in the stomach.
It’s physical, this sadness.
If you’ve never been on the receiving end of heartbreak, are you sure you’re old enough to read? The ache is universal. The stories that we share vary in the details, but the essence is the same. If someone you love breaks your heart, you are left to deal with life, and the redefining of life, just like everyone else who has been in this situation.
If it’s been awhile since your heart was broken, imagine a water pitcher. You know, the plastic ones that wait staff use to fill water glasses at restaurants. Now imagine that it’s filled, all the way to the tippy top, nearly overflowing, with water. Imagine picking it up. The water that spills out the top is expected, yes? That’s the way it is with tears. They bubble up, when you’re trying to keep busy, or you’ve found yourself with more than a few moments of alone time.
The pitcher can only handle so much water, but every time it gets jostled, the overall water level decreases, and it gets a little easier to handle. Soon enough, it takes more than just jostling to get the water to come out. Eventually, it takes effort. And one day, the pitcher will be empty. The tears won’t spill out anymore, and you’ll be left with happy memories.
When the pitcher is empty, your heart is no longer broken. You’ll be able to recall stories without sadness. You’d even be okay if you ran into him on the street. (But you’re still hoping you won’t.) You can flip through the radio dials without thinking there’s a big conspiracy against you and your eye makeup. Your friends will stop worrying about you on Friday night.
Timelines vary, depending on your rate of consumption. My pitcher is still very full, but the funny thing is, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It means after nearly 32 years on this planet, I’ve figured out how to love with my whole heart. Sure, it didn’t work out the way I wanted, but I’m also old enough to know that unfortunately, I don’t get everything I want.
I’ll love again. But I’m in no hurry. In the meantime, I have a great group of friends, family, and friends-who-live-in-the-computer who I can spend more time and energy with.
Speaking of friends-who-live-in-the-computer, does anyone live in Cleveland? I’m heading there for a work trip this weekend, and would love to meet up! Hit me up on Twitter. Serial killers need not apply.