7 Reasons My Mom is Awesome

May 072013

Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching, and I can’t help but think about how amazingly lucky I am to have a mom like mine. I can’t be with her this weekend, since I committed to dog sitting for a friend before knowing that this Sunday is Mother’s Day, but I can tell her that I think she is awesome. I started thinking about it, and realized there are so many things that make my mom awesome.

my mom, with my sister in the background

Here are 7 Reasons My Mom is Awesome

My Mom is Generous

Hello, gifting a down payment? Sending cooking magazines and fun treats to me every chance she gets? Taking me out to get pedicures with her, celebrating with me, buying me all kinds of cheese, she is just so generous. Her love languages are gifts and time spent together. She likes nothing better than to dork around with me in the kitchen, which just so happens to be one of my favorite things, too.

My Mom is Funny

Sometimes unintentionally, like when she thought I was having happy hour with loggers. Sometimes intentionally, with a well-told story that gets the group (whichever group she happens to be in!) laughing. She is extroverted and speaks with her hands, so her stories get intensely animated sometimes. She can get us laughing until we cry.

My Mom Always Supports My Dating Decisions

Even when some parents wouldn’t, my mom has always said that no matter what, she loves me and wants me to be happy. Her unconditional support showed itself early in my life, making sure I had a sweet valentine, even when she knew I wasn’t getting attention from boys. It showed up when I introduced her to my (significantly) older boyfriend, with whom she is still close today. She stood up for me once when my southern relatives were pressuring me to get married so they could come visit. “You,” she said, while gesturing to the table, indicating plural (she doesn’t say y’all anymore, she’s been in the Northwest too long), “are all cordially invited to the Pacific Northwest, any time you choose. We do not need Kathleen to rush into anything.” Once, I mentioned, half jokingly, that I’d need to get married in order to get a food processor. There was a new, shiny, gorgeous one on my doorstep two days later. The message was clear: do not feel sad about being single. Your mommy will buy you a food processor.

My Mom is a Strong Person

I don’t mean you should call my mom if you need help moving things. No. She is a tiny woman, but has a huge presence. Her opinions are strong and plentiful, and she is not shy about expressing them. We have that in common. She is every bit of a southern woman, and it’s rather extraordinary since she moved to Olympia 28 years ago. She is always impeccably dressed and exceedingly well put together. The woman doesn’t even own jeans, people! And would die before she’d wear yoga pants out in public. She’s not too proud to admit when she could use a little extra help, though, so when someone that strong asks you to come be with her, you do not hesitate.

My Mom is a Fantastic Cook

Sometimes, my sister and I tease my mom because even though we are grown women, she cooks as if we are linebacker teenage boys just coming back from a tough practice. But then, we sit down and see all of our favorite foods. So, we eat like linebackers. Which I suppose just proves her right, doesn’t it? We did need all that food. She loves my future brother-in-law because that boy can eat. I think I’d say that cooking for others is one of her love languages too, which we also have in common.

My Mom Loves Deeply

My mom is like a mama lion. Once you’re in her pack, she’d protect you with her dying breath. She has so much love in her heart, and she shares everything she can with those around her. She’ll spend perfectly gorgeous summer days turning produce into homemade canned goods. Not because she is being a frugal homesteader, but because she wants to share the bounty of her surplus with as many people as she can. She even signed up for the gift exchange so that she could share canned goods with a blogger.

My Mom is My Role Model

My mom grew up in a small town in Tennessee. She did not have much money, nor many opportunities. So she studied her tail off, finished first in her class (while introducing the miniskirt to her hometown!) and went to college to be a nurse. She climbed her way up the corporate ladder, and, not too long ago, made the switch to be a federal employee. Now she’s a big deal. And she got there on her own. She is my role model for what women can do if they put their mind to it. She is a feminist to her very core, and she votes in every election. She let it be known even when I was a little girl playing with dolls that I could grow up and be whatever I wanted to be.

Even if she were someone else’s mom, and I’d met her through work or something, I would consider myself lucky to be her friend. I don’t know how many people can say that, and I just don’t think there’s a bouquet big enough to let her know how special she is.

So, thanks, Mom, for always being awesome. Thanks for leading by example and acting with integrity, love and generosity. Thanks for instilling in me a strong sense of self. Thanks for teaching me manners. Thanks for teaching me to be curious. Thanks for all the cooking magazines. Thanks for never letting me feel like I need a man to feel complete.

Happy Mother’s Day.

To all you moms out there, I think you’re pretty special, too. It takes a lot of patience to turn a ball of energy into a human. And even on your hardest days, I know you’re doing a great job. I hope you enjoy your homemade cards and burnt toast breakfast in bed on Sunday.

May 7, 2013 background, philosophy, positivity 34 Responses »

Credit Card Debt is for Losers

Mar 262013

The other day, while researching an article about whether to pay off student loans or credit card debt first, Carrie asked our Facebook group what we thought.

Most people gave really great responses, and she included those responses in the article.

I gave my knee jerk response, which was that credit card debt is for losers, and student loan debt is normal and for everyone.

There was a bit of back and forth, especially since it looked like I was name calling, so here’s my controversial stance.

Credit Card Debt is for Losers

For years, I had a huge pile of credit card debt, and I felt like a loser because of it. My credit limit was $25,000 and I was so close to maxing it out that I had stress dreams about lacking money.

It was bad, you guys. I had no job and a $600 minimum payment on my credit card. Plus rent. You can see how I was starting to lose my hair. Even writing about it now, years later, I can feel the tightness in my chest.

An actual sign in Portland

I finally broke my silence and told my mom what was going on. Instantly, (bless her heart) she signed up for a credit card in her name: A Discover card with 0% interest for the first 24 months. All I’d have to do is pay the balance transfer fee (which I believe was somewhere near $750, which is small potatoes since I’d been paying more than 20% interest on the credit card each and every month) and of course make payments. She was lending me her sparkling credit, knowing that I wouldn’t get a deal like this with my own. I could already see the light. My only regret was not telling my parents sooner how close to the edge I’d gotten.

The Stigma of Credit Card Debt

If you read enough personal finance blogs, they will let you know that it is not cool to have credit card debt. I’d read so many different versions of the same thing: there is only one kind of person who allows themselves to get into credit card debt, and you don’t want to be that kind.

I didn’t even think I had anything to give to the personal finance world until the end of credit card debt was in sight. In retrospect, I wish I’d started earlier simply to read my thoughts from that era. Because even though I was one of the “losers” in credit card debt, I had valuable insights to contribute. But I couldn’t shake the stigma. I felt like it followed me around. Like my credit card debt was sitting on my shoulders, weighing me down. I am a loser, I would think.

So, when my mom came swooping in to help, I knew that math didn’t matter. Zero percent schmero percent. Who cared? That credit card debt was going to be paid in full well before sunset on the 24th month.

Paying Off Debt Helps Build Self Esteem

After some futzing with my spreadsheets, I had a plan. I couldn’t be stopped. Okay, so I went to a concert or three when I really should have put that $$ toward this monstrosity, but I wanted to keep my sanity (and my friends).

I took on extra jobs, some of which were highly unusual. I stopped using the credit card as a way to pay my bills. I might have missed out on some opportunities for rewards, but I saw it like a bucket of water. If I’m going to the effort to take a cup of water out of the bucket each month, I’m surely not going to add anything back, even a tablespoon. So, debit cards kept me goal-oriented during this marathon.

I couldn’t think about my car loan or my student loan. When you’re in deep water, you just have to start swimming. I paid off the last of the credit card less than 18 months after my mom opened it for me. I was so excited to tell her to close the account! Since I paid it off before my 0% interest expired, I am sure that mathematically I missed out. But psychologically, I was a winner, not a loser anymore.

I don’t think you’re a loser.

Even if you are in credit card debt, I’m certain that you’re a good person. Trust me. You’re probably an even better person than you let yourself think!

Is it stupid to pay a giant bank any amount of interest on your consumption? You bet your britches it is. Financing shoes is not a good plan. But your story is probably different from mine.

Maybe you’ve never carried a balance on your credit card, and you’re thinking about using one of those 0% offers to finance an addition in your house. Who am I to say you shouldn’t do that?

Or, let’s say you’re a young whippersnapper, and your student loan interest rate is ridiculous. Higher, even, than the interest on your credit card. Then, yes, for sure, you do what feels right to you!

But if you start to feel bad. If you are floundering and desperate and can conjure up tears with any amount of thinking of your financial situation, please, join me, and get rid of the one thing that is causing you the most pain.

Even if the math doesn’t make sense.

March 26, 2013 background, debt 66 Responses »

Remembering Leaner Times

Mar 142013

It was autumn 2008, and I’d just moved back to Portland. Hillsboro (a close-in suburb), actually, to live in my best friend’s spare bedroom for about six weeks.

I’d found a position as a recruiter in the hospitality industry. My boss had just opened up an office, and things were going well, so he expanded. I was one of three people he hired.

Recall, if you will, the economy in November 2008.

My boss at the time didn’t realize the economy was tanking.

Recruiting is a nice word for sales cold calling, and I was picking up the phone 95 times a day asking hotels what their hiring priorities were.

Guess what? They didn’t have any.

We still thought we had a chance, and I was quite obviously wearing out my welcome at my friend’s house, so on January 1, 2009, I moved to a fantastic neighborhood in Portland with a roommate I didn’t know.

By January 20, I’d been laid off.

To say these were lean times was putting it lightly. I applied everywhere, heard back from some, heard nothing from a lot more, and stayed awake at night wondering how I’d pay my share of rent. How I’d pay the minimums on my credit card. How I’d get by, period.

I couldn’t move back in with my friend, and I was committed to staying in Portland. So I scoured.

I finally found another sales job that was 100% commission, and it ended up costing me more than what I’d earned because it was a smartphone app and I had to buy a new phone before I could demo this product.

Then, finally, I saw a posting I was really excited about*. Sure, it was part-time, but hey, part-time is better than no time, right?

So I applied. And I was hired.

It was a great fit, work wise, but the owners weren’t sure it was going to work. I mean, a start up? In 2009? It was risky, so they didn’t want to commit to full time work right away.

That was fine with me. My friend and I decided to live together in an apartment that would save me $100 a month (and I’d get to live with a friend rather than a stranger who left half-eaten cans of tuna around the apartment).

Times were so lean. I was nearly maxing out my $25,000 limit on my credit card. I was sharing a car with my sister (who should be a candidate for sainthood based on how few times she complained about sharing her car with someone who did not live in her neighborhood!) and borrowing money to make rent.

This friend that I lived with is one of my favorite people on the planet, and the other day, we were sitting in my apartment talking about furniture shopping.

“I remember how depressing not having a dining table was,” she said.

I cringed. “Oh, my gosh, I remember that too. Goodness gracious, we’d go to these stores, and all the cute stuff would be so expensive so we’d walk out, dejected.” It was a lean time for her, too.

“Then we went to IKEA and bought their cheapest table. I was so broke that I couldn’t even come up with half of $150.”

I paused, and smiled.

I’ve come a long way since 2009. I live in my very own apartment, and I’m able to pay rent even before payday every month. Not only that, but I have savings! I paid off my student loan! And I have very little left on my car loan! I even maxed out my IRA in 2012! Hot dang!

It’s good to remember how I felt back then. How generous my friends were when they knew I was making something like $1000 a month, but they still wanted me to come do fun things anyway.

There is peace associated with having a dollar or two in the bank. I wouldn’t say that I’m wealthy, not by a long shot. But I have not woken up in the middle of the night in tears because it’s the 25th and I have no idea how to make it through to the first.

*That job? I’m still there. I’m a full-time employee now, and I still think it’s a great fit. It’s not 100% commission, but I do earn some commission, and the fact that I’m making more money means the company is healthier, too. Win-win.

Dear 2009 Kathleen,

It gets better. Way better.

Love,

2013 Kathleen

March 14, 2013 background, debt 57 Responses »

My Relationship with Washington DC

Mar 012013

I’m sitting here in a coffee shop in the Mt. Pleasant neighborhood of DC. I woke up this morning in my friend’s new-to-her house. After working in her home office (right next to her guest room!) for a few hours, I left. I find myself reminiscing of my time here.

Everyone’s involved in their own world

My relationship with this city is complicated. On the one hand, I came out here on a grand adventure, and holy cow, what an adventure I had. I left only after exhausting all possibilities of working in politics (or even an association). On the other hand, this city was never mine to call home. I think the reason I stayed as long as I did is because I met ten of the most amazing people I’ll ever know in my time here.

Visiting these people recharges my batteries. Sometimes I feel a little isolated at home in Portland. I have a great group of friends there, for sure, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling lonely from time to time.

But because I’m only ever visiting for a few days in DC, I get to pack in a lot of friend time. I recently learned (reconfirmed?) that I’m an extrovert, and spending time with people energizes me. Read my sister’s friend (and friend’s sister! okay, this girl is simply a friend) Mandie’s post and take the test yourself.

I have friend dinners and sleepovers and museum outings and home tours and hanging out with babies and catching up with people who, though I don’t get to see them but once a year, are among my favorite people in the world.

In between, there’s this peaceful quiet where I’m able to sit in a coffee shop and reflect.

When I visited in 2010, I brought the boy I was dating, because I wanted to introduce my friends to him. That trip did not go well, and I found myself looking over the city at the top of some hotel by the White House (sorry, this is Frugal Portland, and I’m clearly too lazy to look up the hotel!) with a fancy $14 drink in my hand, profoundly sad.

It was as if the city told me that there’s this life I could have had, that we could have been so good together, and I walked out on a good thing right before it got good. I started crying, then left the bar, embarrassed, and headed back to my hotel room to have a bath.

The next few times I went was for wedding festivities the following year, and I didn’t spend much time in the city.

Then, for the entire span of 2012, I didn’t visit. It felt weird. I went through withdrawals. People were born. People bought houses! People got promoted. Life kept going forward, and I was missing out.

a perfect latte at Flying Fish

Thank goodness for a work trip, though! Now, with the passage of time, I’m able to look at DC with much clearer eyes.

Typical DC-isms

I took the metro from the airport to my conference. Six minutes after I settled in to my seat, a girl boarded the train. She was the typical 20something DC girl. Cute, mid-twenties, and pretty impressed with herself. She was breathless when she got to the train, and laughed to her companion about how silly they were to run for a metro.

Then she went in for the kicker. “Oh, my goodness, I worked so much today!” she breathed. “I worked from 8 in the morning all day until 6. I have so much work to do, you know? No matter how much work I do, there’s always more that can be done.”

I smiled. This was the DC that I could never get used to. Her companions commiserated (and why wouldn’t they?) and she mentioned that she might have to do more work when she got home.

I looked around for more “typical” DC images, and I found her. Standing near the door, holding onto the railing, her face betraying a look of abject misery. I wanted to tell her that things would get better, that she doesn’t have to live in this city anymore, that work can be more fulfilling elsewhere. But part of me knew I was looking at a mirror of my past self. I too had that look on my face after a long day.

The DC I love

Those images reminded me of what my life was like when I lived in DC. I had some less-than-ideal work experiences. But I wouldn’t trade a single one.

Because what they say about DC being filled with ambitious 20somethings is 100% true. And when you identify as one, then you meet a bunch of people in the same boat.

Each job I had taught me about how to be a working professional. But more than that, it showed me that real friends show up in the work place.

And so the DC I love has nothing to do with the “what can you do for me?” attitude that has always grated on me. The DC I love exists in the people. My people.

They represent a picture of what my life might be like if I were to stay. They’re all successful, doing great things in their jobs, buying houses, traveling internationally, and they’re happy, for the most part.

If I had stayed, I might have had a fancier job, might have had the resources to travel more, and might have even been able to buy a house in this market. But I don’t want that. Because I don’t belong here.

I belong in Portland, where nobody ever toots their own horn about how busy and important they are. Portland, where you find out a person’s name, their hobbies, their cat’s name, and their favorite band before you ask what they do for a living. In DC, you have one important job. In Portland, you piece together enough different jobs to stay afloat, and you make less money.

I’m comfortable in Portland. I’m a tourist in DC. I love it here, but it’s really only now, with the passage of time, that I’m okay with my tourist status. I tried to be a local in DC. I’m simply not. And that’s okay.

Oh, and it’s so much more expensive to do anything in this dang town! Getting across town on the metro costs almost $10 now! Saving money, and being frugal, is a lot easier in a less expensive town.

March 1, 2013 background, philosophy 37 Responses »

Spirituality lesson from my baby sister

Jan 212013

I was talking to my friend about a book she was reading. “It started out great, but it’s slow right now. I’m about halfway through it,” she told me.

I said, “I know the feeling. That’s my life right now.” She looked a little confused. So, I explained. “You know, we’re all the protagonist in our own stories, right? Well, in life, just like your book, right before the plot twist, it gets a little boring. Character development and all that. Keep reading the book. It’ll get better. And if it doesn’t, lie to me, because I’m in that stage in my life. Developing my character in order to lean into the plot twist.”

My friend still loves me, even though she might think I’m a little crazy.

She finished the book.

I was talking to my baby sister about this conversation and she said, “you know what you’re missing?”

No, please tell me. (That’s my ironic “listening” voice, when I already think I know better. So sue me. I’m older, and sometimes I think I know.it.all.)

“You’re the protagonist in your own story, absolutely. I’ll buy that. But,” she paused, “you’re missing something. You can’t be the protagonist and the writer, you know.”

I know I’ve written a bit about my baby sister before, but for those of you just tuning in, she’s 24, impulsive, empathetic, and sometimes 100 years wiser than her years. She’s also one of my top five favorite people on this planet, so when she talks, I (usually) listen. And she had me there.

Backstory: I am the oldest of two daughters from a southern Baptist and a midwest Catholic, who married in 1977 and decided to let their children decide religion for themselves. I decided not to decide (agnosticism is the easy cop out) and my baby sister decided Catholic when she was 16, so she’s had a longer history of faith.

“What I mean,” she continued, “is that my faith really helps me with this next part. I believe that I’m the protagonist, but god (or God, not trying to offend) is the writer, and that whatever actions I choose, or think that I choose, are the right ones because god has made those decisions for me.”

Huh.

I didn’t know what to say.

Only that it must be so liberating to let go of the writing. To live your life according to The Writer’s plan.

To know that The Writer has an idea for you, the protagonist in your own story.

And then I realized the absolute beauty of faith.

If you are simply the protagonist, then you don’t have to make the plot decisions. You don’t even have to know the outline, the plot, or the outcome.

You simply live.

Thanks, spiritual sister, for opening my eyes.

January 21, 2013 background 35 Responses »

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