I was talking to my friend about a book she was reading. “It started out great, but it’s slow right now. I’m about halfway through it,” she told me.
I said, “I know the feeling. That’s my life right now.” She looked a little confused. So, I explained. “You know, we’re all the protagonist in our own stories, right? Well, in life, just like your book, right before the plot twist, it gets a little boring. Character development and all that. Keep reading the book. It’ll get better. And if it doesn’t, lie to me, because I’m in that stage in my life. Developing my character in order to lean into the plot twist.”
My friend still loves me, even though she might think I’m a little crazy.
She finished the book.
I was talking to my baby sister about this conversation and she said, “you know what you’re missing?”
No, please tell me. (That’s my ironic “listening” voice, when I already think I know better. So sue me. I’m older, and sometimes I think I know.it.all.)“You’re the protagonist in your own story, absolutely. I’ll buy that. But,” she paused, “you’re missing something. You can’t be the protagonist and the writer, you know.”
I know I’ve written a bit about my baby sister before, but for those of you just tuning in, she’s 24, impulsive, empathetic, and sometimes 100 years wiser than her years. She’s also one of my top five favorite people on this planet, so when she talks, I (usually) listen. And she had me there.
Backstory: I am the oldest of two daughters from a southern Baptist and a midwest Catholic, who married in 1977 and decided to let their children decide religion for themselves. I decided not to decide (agnosticism is the easy cop out) and my baby sister decided Catholic when she was 16, so she’s had a longer history of faith.
“What I mean,” she continued, “is that my faith really helps me with this next part. I believe that I’m the protagonist, but god (or God, not trying to offend) is the writer, and that whatever actions I choose, or think that I choose, are the right ones because god has made those decisions for me.”
Huh.
I didn’t know what to say.
Only that it must be so liberating to let go of the writing. To live your life according to The Writer’s plan.
To know that The Writer has an idea for you, the protagonist in your own story.
And then I realized the absolute beauty of faith.
If you are simply the protagonist, then you don’t have to make the plot decisions. You don’t even have to know the outline, the plot, or the outcome.
You simply live.
Thanks, spiritual sister, for opening my eyes.
I love it when younger siblings and cousins are wise beyond their years. My baby cousin (okay, not baby anymore since she will be able to legally drink in less than a year), has always been one of the wisest most insightful people I know when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
I love having people like that in our lives, don't you?
I'm pretty sure autobiographies have the same protagonist and writer!
Around my church it's frequently said that we are NOT the protagonists of our own stories, but Christ is. We never discussed the writer but I'm pretty sure it's God. The point is that not everything that happens in our lives is about us, but rather God is bringing glory to himself, and that we shouldn't pretend we're the stars but rather point to Jesus.
Ah, yes, but in that case, the autobiographer has the benefit of hindsight. As the protagonist, we do not.
I struggle with this agnostic dillema all the time. It’d be real nice of everything I did was predestined to work out. But being the writer and the protagonist means we’re just as likely to mess it all up… I guess what I lake in faith, I make up for in optimism!
Same! I like her perspective, and her wisdom, but that doesn't move my agnosticism.
How profound! Great lesson learned to listen to younger people! :)
GREAT point!
I'm not a subscriber of any particular faith (I talk to the universe), but when certain things are out of my control (like my shoulder), I have to turn to faith that there is a reason for it. The hard part is you may have to trust that you might not ever figure out what that reason is. Or that you will figure out the reason one day but you have to wait. Like someone breaking up with you who you though you would marry. It seems that you are being punished somehow and don't understand why, but then 2 years later you meet the person of your dreams. It's letting go and trusting…
Yes! I love your take, too. We'll know, once we have the benefit of hindsight.
Your sister is wise beyond her years. I was raised Christian and I agree with what she is articulating. Love this: "You can’t be the protagonist and the writer, you know.”
You'd like her. :)
This was a lovely read and definitely a good thing to ponder, thank your sis for me :-)
It's a little freeing, isn't it?
I like the strings you used in the drawing. You do that on purpose?
;) silly. It's zoolights.
I used to be very impulsive but I think having kids gradually knocks it out of you. I'd love to be able to make the impulsive (sometimes stupid :-)) decisions I used to make but when you have your kids financial & emotional well being at heart, it kinda makes you stop and think!
I believe you!
I have absolutely zero faith but I can definitely see the beauty in that point of view. Instead of fretting about where your life is going to go, to just relax and know that it's going somewhere.
At first I thought she was talking about empowerment…are we the object to be acted upon or the active writer who takes control of our own reigns? But I like the spiritual take on it, too. I'm about on the same page as Budget and the Beach on faith.
I did too, so at first I was offended. But I listened to her, for once, and completely understood.
You're lucky to have such a strong bond with your sister. A lot of people find comfort in religion and faith. I used to be more religious when I was younger although I still have faith now. I think we all need to take responsibility for our own actions though, and faith and love can really help us get through the tough times.
Excellent points, Sydney!
What a sweet sister! It's funny how other people can see things in our lives that we are too close to see ourselves.
She really is wonderful. :)
Oh, I see. It's your sister. I misread and though your babysitter is moving in… ugh, that's what happen when you have baby on your mind.
She sounds really nice, but I don't buy it. I firmly believe that I'm responsible for my own faith.
I think I\’m in the same boat, but it\’s probably a little calming to know that your destiny isn\’t entirely in your hands. Helps through the tough times.
Hmmm…I'll have to disagree. Free will and all that. In my spiritual world, I'm the writer and the protagonist, but God is the editor if I'll let Him be. Does that make sense? If not, it's probably because I'm confused. I was raised Southern Baptist, converted to Catholicism to raise my kids (my husband is Catholic), and now find myself being pulled back to my Protestant traditions, but more in a Methodist kind of way. I'm sort of a hybrid Christian. :)
Fascinating! You sound like my family. My mom was raised Methodist, Dad\’s Catholic, etc.
Your sister makes a good point. But I don't believe faith in a personal god (or God) is required to find a writer outside ourselves for our lives.
I don't control everything in my life. Thank goodness. Because I'd totally screw things up.
Luckily, I live in community with other people living their lives. Coincidences happen. And my brain is wired to think and do certain things despite my liking to think I'm a rational person.
I find it helpful to believe I can't control everything in my life. Other things influence me all the time–call it God or fate.
I had no idea this conversation made such an impression on you! I love you :)
Being willing to consider someone's point of view can really help to gain clarity or perspective on your own thoughts. Your sister has a point although I would say that humans have the highest capability of thought so our choices and decisions can change a “pre-destined“ outcome. At times our decisions aren't likely to be what God would have intended but I believe we are creatures that sometimes need to learn things the hard way lol.
I think if that type of though comforts a person, then by all means, go for it. I also think whoever is in charge upstairs or wherever, gives us the tools to write our own story. I grew up in a very religious, evangelical family. Our church was built on a lot of guilt over sins we we were committing, even if we didn't know we were committing them. Kind of hard to get your head around and I always felt like a failure. I respect people who are sure in their faith, but I think we can be our own writer and protagonist.
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