where are you?
We listen to our inner voices, our inner monologues, whether they are friendly or not. We are captains of our own ships.
We are self-interested, self-conscious, and sometimes self-centered.
We worry about what others think about us. How others perceive us.
But the truth is, we are only the protagonist in our own story. The leading lady, in my case. In everyone else’s story, we are nothing but supporting characters.
With some of the people we concern ourselves the most, we aren’t even supporting characters. We’re extras on their set. We appear for a time and barely register in their consciousness, regardless of the car we drive or the jeans we wear.
The knowledge that we are supporting characters can be a little sad, if you think about it. We don’t even register, really? We’re just passing through?
How small that makes us.
But in reality, it’s so wonderfully liberating. When I take an honest look at my friendships, at my relationships, and my family, I can see the places where I am an extra, and the places where I’m in the running for best supporting actress.
As an extra, I can come and go as I please. I can go to the party, but I don’t have to stay, because the leading man in that story doesn’t concern himself with the extras.
If you think about your own life, you are your own protagonist. Your supporting characters are where you should be spending the majority of your time and energy.
I’d be willing to wager that the people you see as extras see you the same way.
Go, live your life bravely and with honor. If your life were a movie, then you better make sure you’re spending more energy on the big-font names than you are on the ones without even their name in the credit reel.
Well received. People do worry alot about what others' think and stuff, and it really is silly. I know that we all have a million fb friends and twiiter followers, but really, only a few people in our lives are really our close people who we do and should care about.
Yessir! Though I would be wiling to wager that you, TB, do not spend too much time worrying about what other people think.
That's funny you use the term extra in this analogy. I used to describe myself that way in high school. I wasn't unpopular, but I was just "there." A number. Any time I start to feel that way now about certain people or friendships, I start to reevaluate where they fit into my life, and if they need to be there at all. Not enemies, but just not worth much of my time and thought. Friendships go both ways. You should be co-stars. :)
Me too! Actually, I was an extra in the best of scenarios. Mostly I was one of the dorks. YES CO-STARS is what I was going for! I should have had you proofread :)
Great analogy and well written. What I find most enjoyable and rewarding is friendships that I can truly be myself and have no pretension. This can be difficult to find, which is why it can be hard to have a lot of truly close friends. It does require transparency, but it's worth the work to have a truly close friend.
SO worth it! Friends are the family we choose, right?
Is there an academy award for most obnoxious? I think I might win… :)
You know what, you're not giving yourself any credit!
Love this! I think I'm going to start analyzing who I'm allowing my supporting characters to be. And make the obnoxious ones into extras. It'll make my life a whole lot less stressful.
Is that comment self-centered enough? lol
HA not any more self centered than this post, NAY this blog as of late!
A good way to think of things. Its easy to forget that to many people, you're not as important as you think you are. I often forget this, thanks for the reminder.
It's easy to forget and start to worry about the extras.
I had never thought about how often I am an extra or "supporting player". Definitely food for thought, and you are an awesome writer Kathleen!
thanks, so much, Lauren! get busy with your costars and keep extras extra.
This is a great perspective. I love the analogy.
thanks, Jordann!
Nicely done. I think you framed this up really well. To others, we are supporting players, but acutally no more than extras for quite a few. It's just reality, and nothing personal. Life is what it is, so let's keep enjoying ours, while allocating our time, energy, and concern where it's most needed.
Exactly! It's not personal. It's just life.
What a great post. I like your prose. Nice work :)
thanks, and welcome!